My Grandpa’s Birthday, The Aftermath

 

This is one of my favorite old Polaroids. The guy with the baby is my Dad. And I am sleeping away sweetly in his arms. Behind us are my two Grandpas. My Mom’s Dad, Grandpa Kennedy, is on the left and my Dad’s Dad, Grandpa Delon, is on the right. Today was my Grandpa Delon’s 80th birthday. But along with being happy for him and grateful to still have a close relationship with him, I inevitably started thinking about him being 80. That isn’t exactly young. A few years ago I lost my Grandma Kennedy, my Mom’s Mom. It was a devastating shock for our whole family. And my Mom’s Dad passed away when I was 19. He suffered for so long and I knew that no matter how sad it made me, he was truly in a better place. So the time I do have with my other Grandparents is very valuable to me. And I can only hope that my Grandpa stays healthy and happy because I am so very bad at saying good bye.

My Grandpa’s Birthday

Today my Grandpa turns 80. I just wanted to wish him a Happy Birthday today. He has always been an amazing man in my life and I love him very much. He has always been someone I looked up to. So I hope his day is cheerful and bright today.

Birthday Eve

So it is the eve of yet another one of my birthdays. I try to get excited about them but it is hard. And I think it is hard for a lot of other people too. You start to feel older and see what you haven’t accomplished with the time you have spent here on Earth. I wish birthdays could stay the way they were when I was a kid. I got lots of cards in the mail. And it wasn’t about the gifts it was about the surprises. Like on my sweet 16, I woke up to my bed covered in streamers and confetti. I mean just look how obviously happy I was in that picture, even rocking every single bad 80’s cliché in the book. And now I haven’t gotten one card and there won’t be any surprises to look forward to tomorrow. I wish there was a way to celebrate birthdays like I was still a kid, and then maybe me and a few other people who dread getting older might not be so adverse to birthdays.

I miss her so much.

 

This is a picture of my dog Primo. She passed away right before Thanksgiving last year. Her 12th birthday would have been tomorrow. I used to make a big deal of it every year. I would get her presents and a special cookie from the dog bakery. She was my everything. She was my baby, my best friend, and my love all wrapped into one little shih tzu. There are still days where all I can do is cry my eyes out because I miss her so much. She was an amazing dog. She would come and cuddle me when I was crying. If I left the house for even 10 minutes when I got back she was overjoyed to see me. When I couldn’t sleep she was right there next to me awake. When I needed to calm down I would go and give her attention. If I was anxious about driving I would just take her along because she loved car rides. She saved my life more than once. When I found out I was not going to be able to have kids, it was a little less devastating because I had her. To say the least my heart is broken without her. And it is even harder to cope being that I can not even afford the fees to adopt a shelter dog. I never knew how expensive it was to adopt a dog in need. But that is beside the point. No dog will ever be her. I miss her so much. And because there has been a death in the family and there is a funeral tomorrow, I feel like I have to keep this hurt of it being her birthday kind of to myself. So I will just blog it into internet space and keep my tears to the secret hours of the late night.  I miss you so much Primo baby!!!!