Tag Archives: 80’s

Where did she go?

6 Apr

This is a picture of me when I was 8 or 9 and I think it is one of my favorite pictures of myself. You have to look past the horrible perm because it was the 80’s and no one explained to me that you should never get a perm when you have naturally curly hair. My mom was never a girlie girl so she had no idea about perms or anything else. And you have to look past the mushroom head hair cut too. You have to look past the acid wash, tight rolled jeans. You have to look past the matchy-matchy shirt and socks and fanny pack.  I mean where do you even find a fanny pack to match your outfit, even back in the 80’s? Look deeper at the little girl with the expression of absolute joy. Even under all those clichés that little girl felt beautiful. She felt free to be herself. She wore bright-colored clothes because she felt bright and colorful inside. Peer pressure and judgement were things she was only beginning to notice in grade school. She wasn’t afraid to flash her smile even though she was missing teeth. And 20 some years later I wonder where that little girl went? I was picked on and peer pressured in school because I was different. I had bullies. And I chose to tone down my creative side and try to fit in. And I was miserable. It wasn’t until college that I started to find my own style again. To this day I love to wear bright colors but I try to do it more fashionably. But that smile and that joy and that confidence you see in the picture have not been so easy to find again. I hope that someday I can flash a smile like that again. I hope that someday I can find that joy inside and feel beautiful because of it.

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